Monday, August 22
The Congregation of Saint Peat's has the function of promoting and safeguarding the true expression of the Spirit throughout the world. In accomplishing this purpose, it renders a service to the truth, by protecting the right of the people to receive the Spirit in its purity and entirety, free from corrupting heresies. Therefore, in order that the Spirit may be enjoyed free from adulteration, every Brother shall have the following duties:
I. In the first place, to love the Spirit with his entire heart, his entire soul, his entire strength.
II. To receive the Spirit in its purest expression, as the mystical combination of the elements of water, barley, and peat.
III. To shun the heresies that seek to dilute the Spirit and drown its true expression, masking its true strength.
IV. To share in the Spirit communally with his Brothers.
V. To not covet another Brother's Spirit, but to rejoice in the variety of its manifestations.
VI. To not bear false witness against any Spirit, but to honestly and fully bear witness to the True Spirit.
VII. To become a stranger to the ways of the false Spirit, known as "pure" or "blended" malt.
VIII. To receive the Spirit only in the presence of those nourishments which serve to magnify the wonder of its glorious gifts.
IX. To teach and convey the glory of the True Spirit to those who dwell in darkness.
X. To enjoy the Spirit with a good cigar.
Saint Peat the Indulgent
Monastery of Malt, A.D. DCLXVIII
Saturday, August 20
Report from Extraordinary Plenary Session of the Conclave:
The Caledonian Conclave, deeply saddened by urgent reports of rampant heresy among professed brothers of our Order, held an extraordinary session on this day in order to consider which methods should be adopted to contain this most disturbing trend. The Most Reverend Father Laphroaig, Grand Inquisitor of our Order, presided over this solemn assembly. Among the several heresies considered were the so-called "blended scotch" school of thought, and the especially pernicious "pure malt" sect.
After a spirited debate between the several members of our chapter, it was resolved that only the most forceful measures would adequately protect the true expression of the Spirit against the false teachings of these heretical sects. The sect known as "blended scotch," because it perpetrates the worst and most intense perversion of the true nature of the Spirit, will be dealt with most severely. Anyone of our brothers convicted of owing allegiance to that apostasy, will be cast out of our Order. Because the "pure malt" sect represents an especially subtle and insidious attack upon the true nature of the Spirit, it will be dealt with through rigorous teaching and monitoring. Every one of our brothers will be required to know and recognize the inherent falsehood of that expression.
Grand Inquisitor, the Most Reverend Father Laphroaig, expressed himself satisfied with these initial measures, although expressing his profound worry that their leniency might prove insufficient to stamp out the danger to our Order. He suggested that something lingering, with boiling oil in it, might prove more appropriate. It was, therefore, resolved that the conclave should reconvene in a month in order to consider the initial effect of these new measures.
Spiritum Laudamus
Fr. Islay, Official Conclave Recorder
The Caledonian Conclave, deeply saddened by urgent reports of rampant heresy among professed brothers of our Order, held an extraordinary session on this day in order to consider which methods should be adopted to contain this most disturbing trend. The Most Reverend Father Laphroaig, Grand Inquisitor of our Order, presided over this solemn assembly. Among the several heresies considered were the so-called "blended scotch" school of thought, and the especially pernicious "pure malt" sect.
After a spirited debate between the several members of our chapter, it was resolved that only the most forceful measures would adequately protect the true expression of the Spirit against the false teachings of these heretical sects. The sect known as "blended scotch," because it perpetrates the worst and most intense perversion of the true nature of the Spirit, will be dealt with most severely. Anyone of our brothers convicted of owing allegiance to that apostasy, will be cast out of our Order. Because the "pure malt" sect represents an especially subtle and insidious attack upon the true nature of the Spirit, it will be dealt with through rigorous teaching and monitoring. Every one of our brothers will be required to know and recognize the inherent falsehood of that expression.
Grand Inquisitor, the Most Reverend Father Laphroaig, expressed himself satisfied with these initial measures, although expressing his profound worry that their leniency might prove insufficient to stamp out the danger to our Order. He suggested that something lingering, with boiling oil in it, might prove more appropriate. It was, therefore, resolved that the conclave should reconvene in a month in order to consider the initial effect of these new measures.
Spiritum Laudamus
Fr. Islay, Official Conclave Recorder
Sunday, May 29
Latest Report of Conclave Proceedings:
The Caledonian Conclave held a plenary session this Memorial Day weekend in order to conduct some rather important business. The most pressing matter on the agenda was to engage in an official tasting of the latest Conclave purchase: a bottle of The Dalmore Cigar Malt, whisky previously untested by this august body.
The unanimous opinion of the Conclave was that this is indeed an underrated single malt. A beautiful dark orange color and a unique sherryish aroma are its most striking features. A smooth round body and a surprisingly long finish (reminiscent of hot toffee) were an agreeable complement to a game of Go in which our own Bishop of Bowmore and Cardinal Cragganmore were then engaged.
As the evening wore on, it was decided that a small dram of Talisker would agreeably cap a productive session. The contrast between the smooth sherryish Dalmore and the peppery Talisker was striking. The Conclave closed its meeting agreeing that more detailed tasting notes for these and other malts should soon be posted here.
The Caledonian Conclave held a plenary session this Memorial Day weekend in order to conduct some rather important business. The most pressing matter on the agenda was to engage in an official tasting of the latest Conclave purchase: a bottle of The Dalmore Cigar Malt, whisky previously untested by this august body.
The unanimous opinion of the Conclave was that this is indeed an underrated single malt. A beautiful dark orange color and a unique sherryish aroma are its most striking features. A smooth round body and a surprisingly long finish (reminiscent of hot toffee) were an agreeable complement to a game of Go in which our own Bishop of Bowmore and Cardinal Cragganmore were then engaged.
As the evening wore on, it was decided that a small dram of Talisker would agreeably cap a productive session. The contrast between the smooth sherryish Dalmore and the peppery Talisker was striking. The Conclave closed its meeting agreeing that more detailed tasting notes for these and other malts should soon be posted here.
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