Official Press Release from Father Coylumbridge, Press Secretary for the College of Cardinals:

The College of Cardinals is deeply disappointed by the reproduction of a patently false 'correspondence' between the newly appointed Cardinal Laphroaig and the so-called Knights of Malt. The Caledonian Conclave has failed in its responsibility to support our august body and has cast false aspersions on its spiritual rigour and authenticity. We have sent a strongly worded letter of protest to the Brothers of the Monastery of Malt and have demanded a retraction. The Brothers, whom we deeply love and respect for their work in the Spirit, have been traduced and will, we believe, return to the fold as soon as they realize their error. Until then we continue to pray for them and listen for the urgings of the Spirit.

We ask all followers of the Spirit to remain steadfast and true. Our investigations into the ecumenicism of all Spirits will continue thoughtfully and carefully and we ask your patience during this difficult time.

The College of Cardinals