SAINT CRAGGANMORE the Mature drawing the Sacred Dram and testing for the Purity of the Spirit.

ON THIS DAY in the Year of the Spirit two-thousand and six, the Caledonian Conclave is happy to report that the Brother Cellarer of the Monastery of Malt has at long last returned from arduous foreign travels in heathen lands. He has brought back with him a priceless treasure that shall forever proclaim the glory of this most blessed Order: the holy relics of Saint Strathisla, which shall forevermore lie in the Monastery Church. The relics, wich were liberated thanks to the active assistance of those crusading saints, the Knights of Malt, were presented late last night to our Brothers, who were transported by the holy experience of this sainted dram, dating from the early ages of the distillery and before its recent much-lamented mothballing and resurrection.

BUT THE BLESSINGS that have recently befallen our Order do not end here. The blessed Brother Cellarer has also procured the holy water of Saint Cragganmore the Mature, patron saint of the Opus Barlei. The florid monks of that order, moved by the Spirit after a communal feast, and basking in the afterglow of His warmth, have conveyed a flagon of twelve-year-old double-matured Uisge Beatha to our chapter house, where the assembled community will meet again this evening.

Spiritum Laudamus,
Fr. Keith